I am like, "Hello, Nancy." Get your boots off my desk.

I have spiky hair today. Awesome.

I'm having this problem. Okay. The problem is such as schizophrenia and general malaise. This problem is caused by at least four of the following...um. Causes.

1) Lack of S-L-E-E-P (shh, my brain doesn't know I'm talking about it when I spell things, it's too tired for any of that. PS if it hears me talking about sl...er. S-L-E-E-P, it'll stroke out. It gave me a warning seizure earlier today in the break room. Note to co-worker: your wallet is hardcore eelskin. Not scrumptious.)
2) Pills. Lots of legal narcotics all over the place and everywhere you can think of. Piles and piles of them. List of drugs I've taken in the past week in no particular order whatsoever (add TMs and the like where necessary): Tylenol, Advil, Motrin, generic-brand (generic rhymes with hysteric...al laughter. Or something. HAHAHAHAHA) ibuprofen, Advil Cold & Sinus, more generic (HAHAHAooookay I'll stop) "Severe Cold & Flu" medicine a.k.a. basically just crack cocaine in pill form, DayQuil (who're you again? My mother? Now that sounds like something I would remember! *coma*), NyQuil, and Aleve Cold & Sinus. Seriously. #2 is directly related to the number that follows it, which in my condition could come out as 5.9 or one of those alphabet letters that I find so very fascinating, so bear with me here.
3)Sicky sick. Sick sick sick, I tell you. Sick. SICK! Symptoms? Yes. I've had those. All of them. Even? Yes. That too. Spontaneously appearing, interleaving (I don't even know what this word means), disappearing, spinning in circles and/or playing hopscotch, possibly signing contracts to publish a graphic novel of their experiences in my body (Symptom City), totally randomly and even also sporadically, if you can imagine that. Headaches, throats of all three varieties (sore, itchy, swelled-up-ish), sinus catastrophes, cough delivered personally to my respiratory system by an agent of Satan, stomach unhappiness, achiness, fatigue, etc ad infinitum. I do not have the plague. I do not have the plague. I have the plague's older brother who's married to ebola and having an affair with SARS. Let the demons leave this child, Lord. Cleanse him of the darkness and fill him with health-ishness! PS Santa = Satan take away your children's evil video games. Now! Lock them in the basement! It's the only place they're safe! The goth teenagers are watching you. Look away! Look away!
4)Um...kittens. (this is either a long story or I ran out of ideas [I'll let you decide])






So anyways. You guys have fun and don't leave the house without your specially-fitted swimwear.