Easterrific

Did everyone have a flipping crazy mad insanely awesome Easter like me?!?!?! Great. That's just great. Superb. For our Easter party (!) we painted the walls yellow and purple and slapped on some Fancy Egg wallpaper and then there was a clown who juggled newborn bunnies (he dropped one and it made a sound like a grape) and the clown was wearing bunny ears and there were strangers in trenchcoats grilling rabbits on a spit and the Easter Bunny was there with his Hammer Of Doom Followed Shortly Thereafter By Resurrection and he hit me right in the face with it and I died and went to New Jersey for two hours that seemed like years and then I magically came back to life and now I'm a high-level ad executive for a company that I'm not allowed to talk about (or they'll kill me!). Also there was an exact replica to scale of the Leaning Tower of Pisa in the backyard and it was built entirely of chocolate and it was filled with five tons of chocolate wrapped in cheap tinfoil wrapping material and the kids were jumping for joy and they played in it for almost thirty minutes before it melted and then the Easter Bunny came running in and blindsided one of them with the Hammer and he died for ten minutes and when he came back he said he had taken a quick visit to the zoo but all the animals were hungry and then suddenly the lion was loose, dear Lord, the lion is hungry for human flesh. The Easter Bunny just kept following the kid around with the Hammer after that and shouting something about the Chosen One and we all just laughed and laughed at the Easter Bunny because he is such a card except for my Aunt Nancy who kept crossing herself and going on and on about "the Satan." She's weird. Later on, Abraham Lincoln drove through the living room wall in his giant H2 Hummer and jumped out and he and the EB fought to the death. Lincoln won, of course, because he cheated and used his Stretch Armstrong superpowers, but then some dude I've never seen ran up and shot him in the head, which basically killed the whole mood of the party. We spent the rest of the day trying to vacuum up all the stubborn bunny fluff. That crap was all over the place.

Guitar tab of the week: Say It Ain't So by Weezer