Bang-a-fricking-rang my dudes!!!

Here are some things that I've thought about today:

- What if there were giant ants? I mean, like, if they were just a normal part of life and everyone had come to accept it. And every once in a while a pack of giant ants would pop up from their underground lairs and raid a whole city, killing off like 72-87% of its population. You know, everyone would just act like if a tornado or earthquake had occured, all, "Hey guys did you hear about Chicago oh my goodness that is so sad," and, "Yes that's right unfortunately Rita was carried off by one of them last week can you believe it?" That would be pretty weird if it was just like another common occurence. Because if something like that happened to us right now we would be like, "OH MY FREAKING GOD. FREAKING FREAKING FREAKING JESUS FREAKING MY GOD THE ANTS THERE ARE ANTS THEY ARE FREAKING HUGE AND I AM A NEWS ANCHOR PLEASE FLEE YOUR HOMES. TAKE TO THE STREETS AND RUN OH PLEASE GOD TELL ME THAT I AM DREAMING MY FRIEND." Or something.

- I wonder what it will be like when they finally invent teleportation, because wow, that is going to be insane. No more thirteen and a half hours drives to visit the relatives. Seriously. No more drives to...anywhere. Think about it. What are they going to do with all of the roads? What will happen to all of that boring space in between the metropoli? The teleporting is going to be triple-sweet, but...I will weep for the farmland on the day of its invention.

- Being a dog would be odd. I mean, first of all, you're stupid, but for a lot of people that's really nothing new. So you can work past that. But like, you smell the hell out of everything. Somebody at the other end of the house burps and you are presenting them with a list of things that they've eaten in the last 12 to 14 hours. That has got to suck. I mean, sure, there are some great smells out there, but to me it always seems like there are a lot more awful ones, and those mothers are everywhere. Of all the senses that have to be amped up, you know? It's like God resented the dogs and envied their carefree happy-go-luckiness and so decided to afflict them with superfreak smeller glands. I bet they used to walk on two legs, too. Sometimes God can be so hateful and it hurts my feelings. *Job shout out*

- I just think that if people could see some of the things that are going on in their own bodies at any given time, a lot of us would really lose it. Seriously, there is some really wicked stuff going on in there. And all of it has weird names. Like...um, mastoids and shit.

- How about if you could throw a party and just invite every celebrity/person of note that you are constantly swooning over? And they actually showed up!? There's just one catch. Your brain has been transplanted in to the body of Kim Jong Il. What do you do? What do you do?

- I think the reason that a lot of people go scuba-diving is that they secretly want to run out of oxygen down there, just to see what would happen. That is bad news.

- If I could get the telephone number 573-825-3825, and when people asked for my number I wrote down 57-FUCK-FUCK, do you think anyone would call me?

- Sometimes I think about that whole theory that every time you make a decision, an alternate universe is created with another you that made the opposite decision. If that is true, then I bet my other MEs have done some really crazy stuff, man. Like, there's a ME that's gay and a ME that owns Microsoft and a ME that dumps Eliza Dushku for Scarlet Johansson and a ME that sells hubcaps on a street corner and a ME who is a Mormon and a ME who is writing this diary entry but decides to use expletives a lot more liberally and a ME who is taking needlepoint classes and a ME who has been dead for three years from a severe case of botulism and a ME who has one leg and climbed Mount Everest and a ME who just adores overalls and a ME who decides to continue this entry.

Peace, bitches.