Necesito matar para bebidas!!!

Three exclamation points is exactly the right amount of exclamation points. It lets everybody know that you are totally McWigging up in this bee-yai-yitchy without making them think that you are just one of those dudes who is rolling it out on the fly, all phoning it in like !!!!!!!!!!!!!! just holding down the button all wicked-like, and inside of your skull your brain is making that sound like a telephone that is off the hook. Booooooooop. Today is like one of the best days this year, and I would like to explain why to you. Really I would. And so I will. List of things that are bastarding awesome about today:
1) Saturday. Which only happens like 5o and two times a year or something.
2) Do you really not understand what is awesome about this? Eunuchs!
3) The weather. IS EQUAL TO BEAUTIFUL!!!
4) There is a new computer in my home and it is built like a fricking time machine all wires hanging out the mothereff of it and just totally schooling that data like you know it should. It informs the data and circuitry that it is now my hooker and will be in my employ for quite some time.
6) I am like 100% well. No more sickness. Can. You. BELIEVE. It? It is so awesome that this morning I took like a celebratory seven showers. That is part of one of roughly twelve-and-a-half very personal rituals that I have developed involving personal hygiene. Another one is that I like to wash my hands at least four hundred and thirty three times a day and also you should not touch anything ever because every last bit of it is germ-infested, my God!!!
7) I am telling you that basically this day has been sent to me by Jesus, who loves me, and this I know due to a certain passage which is written in The Bible. (No I will not tell you what passage so that you can remove it from The Bible, you are a heretic.)
8) I have forgotten to mention to you that you are so loving living the life today. Go out and get to it right now.

If you were to leave your house right now and ride your tandem bike to the gun store and illegally buy a handgun that is modified to blow a hole the size of some oxen in the side of a barn, and if you were to bring that gun to my abode and shoot a big hole through all of the things I own including my own personal self right now, I would not be fazed because that is just how awesome this day is today at this exact moment literally. You could step on a puppy right in front of me and I would not cry, because even though you are totally ugly in your heart and cruel and hated by millions, you will pay in hell-fiah at a later date and also that puppy is going to a better place, a.k.a. possibly Hawaii or even the Bahamas.

Songs I listened to this morning (beginning with the most recent):
For Me This Is Heaven by Jimmy Eat World
Find Comfort in Yourself by Midtown
Consumed by Laziness by Hot Rod Circuit
Roulette Dares (The Haunt of) by The Mars Volta
Meanwhile, Rick James... by Cake
On Your Wings by Iron & Wine
Somewhere on Fullerton by Allister
Stranded by Alien Ant Farm
Follow Me by Rufio
Night Nurse by Britta Phillips & Dean Wareham
The Wrong Way by TV On The Radio
One Big Holiday by My Morning Jacket
Quiver by Theory of a Deadman
Al the Killer by Coheed & Cambria
Nobody Girl by Ryan Adams
For Those by Tindersticks
Turncoat by Anti-Flag
Lightness by Death Cab for Cutie
Daylight by Coldplay
Long Goodnight by The Get-Up Kids
See You by Foo Fighters
Farewell Ride by Beck

P.S. Why in the dang does Launchcast think I like Scorpions so much. HINT: I am not a huge Scorpions fan.