Nine funny things about human beings.

I have invented the following fables which you will read with much speed:

Fable one.

Two men are walking along a sidewalk when suddenly one of them trips on an old, misshapen breadbasket. The man who trips falls face first into a barbed wire fence and is immediately blinded. The man who does not trip kicks the breadbasket so hard that he breaks his left leg and then proceeds to dance one-legged into heavy traffic, where he is hit and killed almost immediately by a diabetic woman driving a late '80s model Volvo. His body flies through the air and hits the other man who has just pulled himself off of the barbed wire fence, knocking him back into the fence where he is for all intents and purposes castrated.

Moral: YOU WILL IMMEDIATELY PAY YOUR BILL COLLECTORS IN UNMARKED TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS.


Fay bull two.

A woman is holding a list on which she has written things which she will need to purchase at her local supermarket. Also scrawled on the piece of paper which contains the list is a picture of an extremely small human being and a dog with horns and tentacles. When the woman sees this drawing, she smiles and throws herself out of the window of her seventy-third story apartment. She lands on the oldest woman in the entire world who is on her way to celebrate her 115th birthday.

Moral: QUESTION MARK UPSIDE DOWN EXCLAMATION POINT PITUITARY GLAND


Fable count of THREEN!!!

There is a goldfish who walks into a bar and sits on a barstool. The bartender says, "You are a goldfish. How is it that you can walk as a human does? This seems impossible." The goldfish replies, "I am not a goldfish. I am your cousin Jesus, thrice removed. If you ask politely I will sell you my burro."

Moral: This is clearly more of a joke than a fable.


I am not to be trifled with! You can ask my friend!