Check One 2

So what if it's only Two's Day. I ain't buggin'.

Somebody decided to put up a sign on the breakroom refrigerator yesterday that reads, "DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING THAT IS NOT YOURS!!!!!!" So I decided that while we're dishing out PSAs for the criminally stupid, I would add a few of my own. Now, underneath the first sign are several other signs that go something like this:

"DO NOT MAUL YOUR CO-WORKERS WITH A WRENCH!!!!!!"
"DO NOT PUNCH YOUR TODDLER IN THE FACE BECAUSE YOU HATE YOUR BOSS!!!!!"
"DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BREATHE UNDERWATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"DO NOT HANG UP ON CUSTOMERS WHO REFUSE TO ADDRESS YOU AS GOD MAN!!!!!!"
"DO NOT LIGHT YOURSELF ON FIRE WITH A BLOWTORCH!!!!!!!"
"DO NOT BRING IN YOUR COLLECTION OF DEAD PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!"
"DO NOT TELL THE CEO THAT HE LOOKS LIKE MARTHA STEWART!!!!!!!!!"
"DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PERFORM CPR ON YOURSELF!!!!!"
"DO NOT EAT YOUR WEIGHT IN MASHED POTATOES!!!!!!!!!!"
"DO NOT BATHE IN HYDROCHOLORIC ACID!!!!!!!"
"DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BLOW UP GOVERNMENT BUILDINGS!!!!!!!!!"
"DO NOT HIT ON YOUR WIFE'S MOTHER!!!!!!!"
"DO NOT FEED RAT POISON TO PEOPLE!!!!"
"DO NOT STRAP YOURSELF TO AN AIRPLANE JUST BEFORE IT LIFTS OFF!!!!!"
"DO NOT JUMP OFF OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING!!!!!!"

The VP of the department was so pissed when he saw my signs that he actually tore all of them down and turned all red and stuff. So after he left, I put up another one that says, "DO NOT TURN MAROON WHEN YOU ARE CRYING LIKE A WOMAN!!!!!!!!"

So far it's still up. Three and a half cheers for insubordination!