TiVo is to be worshipped on days ending in -day.

So I got TiVo for Christmas.

Ahem.

Mathematical Equation:

24 + TiVo = One time when I was a kid and I was in sixth grade and there was this sort of attractive girl in the eighth grade that I had this huge crush on and then I thought I was so cool because I hung out with this 15 year old kid so then I asked her out and I'm really pretty sure that she almost, almost, ALMOST said yes -- well, I thought that I had experienced the coolest moment of my entire human lifespan and I was certain that nothing could ever be more amazing than that moment. Until now. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. OMG OMG!!!! Jack is frozen in shooter's stance looking totally like the coolest person in the universe. Chloe is moving frame by frame so I can determine whether or not she is actually hot. Curtis looks like a horse when watched in slow motion rewind. President Palmer has some sort of neck tumor. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AS MANY TIMES AS I WANT FOREVER!!!!! I have to find a way to put a bigger hard drive in this thing so I can store every episode of 24 ever inside of it. Okay?

I am allowed to say that I would like a vagina transplant so that I can have my way with Kiefer Sutherland. Willing donors may contact me at my home between the hours of seven and ten p.m. (P.S. I am not (NOT [NOT!]) gay. So not gay. Really, I mean, I'm not, it's just that, well, Jack is such a badass, you know, and um...)