It is true that I am not a doctor.

As a child, I remember watching Saturday morning cartoons and wondering if other children were actually laughing at some of the asinine and patronizing jokes that were continuously recycled and overused. As an adult, I have this same feeling when watching or listening to most forms of mass-produced media that are considered "comedy." Most modern day humor consists of the same five sex and/or bodily function jokes presented in slightly varying formats to the point that it almost leaves me feeling nauseous. It seems that intelligent humor has fallen by the wayside these days, and that's a tragedy greater than most you'll read about in your newspaper on any given Sunday, in my opinion.

Laughing has become a reflex for most of us, a learned behavior. We laugh when other people laugh, and they laugh because they think they're supposed to. We laugh because a joke has been made, and rarely because it contains more than the faintest trace of actual wit. We laugh on cue, a working Pavlovian marvel. As a nation, a majority of us have become little more than a recorded laugh track. And one thing that most people don't realize is that those laugh tracks you hear in sitcoms nowadays, most of those were recorded back in the '50s. Most of the people you hear laughing along to your favorite sitcoms are dead.

I think that it's time we all took a stand for intelligent humor. As an official advocate of intelligent humor, you'll need to send me 23 US dollars and you'll receive this informative pamphlet on intelligent humor, which contains many sample jokes which you may use at group engagements as long as you don't mind getting lots of blank, idiotic stares. Also, you get 50 intelligent humor bonus points if you set your hair on fire and run through an office building. You'll need to send me a Polaroid to get full credit.